Do you have that one friend?
That person who will tell you like it is.
…Who will call you out on your crap
…Who will love you despite your crap
…Who will listen to your rantings when you’re upset and not let your low moment color their view of you
…Who will give you “that look” when you are being nonsensical
…Who is intensely protective when someone hurts you
…Who is your “safe” space where you don’t have to pretend to be something you’re not.
Some people may call them “best friends” but honestly, that term is so seventh grade and brings to mind times I’ve been hurt, crushed, and stabbed in the back by people I “thought’ were my friend. I wouldn’t wish seventh grade on my worst enemy!
The older I get, though, the more my view of friendship has changed. It isn’t just someone to hang out with. It isn’t someone who will grab their pitchfork when I’m angry and be angry with me. (although, sometimes it is.)
I don’t need someone to agree with me about what a dork my husband is being. I need someone who will lovingly point out to me that how I am handling the matter is making things worse.
I don’t need someone to tell me that what a loser he is and that I could do so much better—I want someone who will encourage me to fight for my marriage and who will pray for my marriage with me.
I don’t need someone who will gossip with me, I need someone who will thwack me in the arm when I start to gossip.
I don’t need someone who will *heart* a post of mine on Facebook. I need someone who will be at my house, jumping up and down with me. (or on the phone or text if they are remote…)
I don’t need someone who will *sad face* a post of mine on Facebook when I’m hurting. I need someone who will be at my house, sobbing with me, or on the phone, giving me words of encouragement.
And I need to work on being “that” friend right back to them.
When I was writing “The Engagement Plot” I was working on giving Hanna a friend. She really needed one. Then Carly showed up on the page.
I loved Carly. She had spunk. She would show up with chocolate or a rifle in her hand, or maybe even both. She was intensely protective, but she was also brutally honest. She would listen, but also speak truth to her friend, even when it might sting. She didn’t just listen and agree to tickle her friend’s ear and make her feel happy in the short term. She loved her friend enough to be honest. She was her biggest cheerleader but also her biggest critic when that’s what Hanna needed.
Not all friendships can or will be like that. Honestly, I’m not sure I could handle more than a few of them at that level. But I’m finding the importance of having friendships that go beyond the surface, and my life has been so much richer from them.
For me, my fellow bloggers at The Writer’s Alley are my heart sisters. I feel 100% able to spew my junk to them and get honest, helpful opinions in return. And my “real” sisters, as we’ve grown into adults and past the whole “SHE PULLED MY HAIR” or “I GET SHOTGUN” thing, have turned into my best friends in the world. I have been so blessed by those friendships, and can’t imagine my life without them.
What about you? Do you have “that one friend” who doesn’t just serve as a confidence keeper but an accountability and prayer partner too?
About the Author:
Krista Phillips writes contemporary romance sprinkled with two of her favorite things, laughter and Jesus. And sometimes chocolate for kicks and giggles. She lives in Middle Tennessee with her husband and their four beautiful daughters, and is an advocate for congenital heart defect and organ donation awareness. Visit her online at www.kristaphillips.com.