By Tricia K. Brown
My mother quizzed one of the littles in my family recently about friendship. When asked “What is a friend?” she seemed stumped. Her 4-year-old brain couldn’t get past the chocolate popsicle in her mouth.
Mom asked, “Do you have friends? Who is your friend?” She finally named a boy.
“Why is he your friend?” my mom pressed.
“Because he is my cousin,” she said.
After several responses yielding the same result, Mom took it upon herself to name someone not related. “What about her? Is she your friend?” With a confirming “yes,” my mom asked, “Why?”
Sweet little Izzy replied, “Well, she keeps following me all the time.”
Friendship is unique. A friendship between boys—ripe with physical aggression, smack talk, and weeks of air silence—is very different from a friendship between girls. A friendship founded on familial relationships may not be the same as one created from similar interests. And childhood friendships, which are often formed as a result of being stuck together at our parents’ discretion, or because one person won’t leave the other alone—well, those aren’t quite the same as adult friendships, now are they?
It makes defining the word “friendship” a little difficult.
But then I think back to this past year. I think back to the night that my son died. One minute I was alone, crying face-down on the deck, and the next I was surrounded by my family and friends. I think of the funeral home—one minute, staring at the face of my son and the next minute, staring at the line of people weaving out the door.
What is friendship?
This process of grieving has given me a new definition.
Friendship isn’t just about a common bloodline or common interests. It’s not just about who we can have fun with or to whom we can talk. Boiled down to its essence, it’s so much more. It’s even more than just time.
When I think about the people who traveled miles to stand in line for an hour so that they could give me a hug…
When I think about the women who added one more “to do” on their lists so that I could mark one off mine…
When I think about the financial sacrifice that some made in order to send a gift…
When I think about all the people who continue to listen to me talk, cry, vent and grieve…
That’s when I know what friendship means to me.
Friends are the people who are willing to make themselves uncomfortable in order to make me more comfortable. They are the ones who carry me when I can’t carry myself. They help me find hope when things seem hopeless.
I guess, John 15:13 says it best, “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
Thank God for friendships. (And don’t even get me started on fried apple pies!)
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 17:17 ESV
About the author:
Tricia K. Brown, is an author, teacher, and speaker. For 26 years, she has worked as an editor and freelance writer for organizations and individuals including the United Methodist Church, Mailbox magazines, breast cancer specialist Judy C. Kneece, RN, OCN, and psychiatrist and best-selling author, Ari Kiev. Through her business, The Girls Get Together, Tricia shares stories of life, loss, and laughter to encourage women in their walks with the Lord and each other. Connect with her and “the girls” on Facebook or on her website, where you can subscribe to her free weekly newsletter.
